"There's a story just out 'bout a crowd in Texas that stoned a gunman to death."
"Pfft. If I know Texans, they cut off his ears and we'll see them on Ebay tomorrow."
"They'll be made in Wuhan from the stem cells of executed political prisoners whose families were charged for the cost of the bullet that was shot into their head to execute them."
"Huh. They went 'biblical' on his ass."
"Watch... we will see Democrats calling for stone control, followed by a spate of bumper stickers saying "My idea of stone control is a firm grip.""
"So the solution is not to arm teachers but to make sure every desk in the school has a good stock of rocks inside it."
"Most gunmen aren't very good shots when being rained with rocks. Students could be given rock-throwing training in early grades, then in later grades mandate chairs that are throwable."
"They can have my stone when they pry my dead fingers off of it."
"And why is it exactly that a bunch of Texans needed to resort to rocks? Did everybody forget their gun at home?"
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